Well, we're back to blogging! We stopped the blog last May due to time constraints, concern about pictures of the kids on the internet, and other reasons but we've decided its a great way for friends and our family to keep up with us. We prefer face-to-face communication or a good long phone chat, but in lieu of these two, we'll keep the blog. It's also a great way to keep a diary for the kids to read later.

To recap the summer: BUSY, BUSY, BUSY! Everything was new to Evan so we were constantly showing him things, explaining what it was or wasn't, helping him with his English, and helping him adjust to his new life. Kurt and I decided we needed a little fine-tuning to the marriage so we did some counseling which was great (thanks to David Stewart!).

Katerina decided that she wasn't so sure she wanted to share all of her toys (or her parents) so she picked a fight with Evan about, oh, every five minutes. She went from being a sweet, kind, easygoing kid to a screaming, pinching, hitting monstor. There were days that they couldn't even get along for five minutes. I tried every technique known to woman but none seemed to work....it was probably the most stressful summer of my life!

But then school started - woo hoo! Katerina started kindergarten and Evan stayed at the preschool he was in all summer but moved up to a 5+ program. They use a kindergarten curriculum so it's very close to kindergarten. Evan has done fantastic there and I truly believe God meant for him to be there. The teachers are wonderful and he has just thrived.

Since then things have calmed down. We have had many, many fun times together and the kids get along 80% of the time. They fight the other 20% but I can handle that. Thats more "normal" to me. Evan is a sweet child. The first thing that his teacher said in his first parent-teacher conference is "he is very tenderhearted". More on him soon.

Here is a picture of the kids I took on the way home from school this fall. I thought they turned out pretty good.
Cindy and Kurt

Evan's First Bike!
Being married to a bike-a-holic, I'm not surprised that Kurt's first purchase for Evan was a bike....and this is not just any bike, it's a TREK and with all kinds of bells and whistles. Katerina (aka, Ms. Speedracer) is psyched to have someone to ride with, as long as she is in the front!

Things are going well but I regret to say that I will not be posting here anymore. Life is too busy and I don't think anyone is reading it anyway!

But it's been fun and if anyone who IS reading this and you want to know more about adopting from Ukraine, feel free to email me: cindydallow@comcast.net. I'd be happy to answer any questions.

Rock on,
Cindy

Thank you, First Congregational Church of Greeley, CO! This is our church and they gave us a welcoming party for our son and I had to show this picture. It may be Evan's first cake and he sure looks happy!

The kids have been getting along great lately. They still fight, of course, but not nearly as much. They play together all day and I just love to watch them. Kurt took Evan to get his first bike yesterday and he was so excited! He rides it around and around our patio. He also loves his helmet and wears it even when he's not on his bike; he wanted to wear it at dinner last night!

More soon, Cindy

Why We Chose International Adoption

Well, just look at these two incredible kids to answer that question! Seriously, this was a tough question (the first time around) and we considered all the pros and cons of international versus domestic adoption before settling on international. This is a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. However, after being asked this question a dozen times (or being asked "why didn't you adopt from your own country?"), I decided I better address this issue right away.

Basically, for me, it came down to timing. I was 40 by the time we had our homestudy done and my husband 48 (which seems young to me now!). With domestic adoption, one has to wait to be "picked" by a birthmother to adopt a newborn. I knew of one couple that had waited years to be picked and the thought of waiting years to become a mom (and never knowing if it would happen) was not too exciting.

But there were a few other reasons. I really, really wanted a girl (no flames please!) and with international adoption, you get to pick the gender. Second, I was under the impression (wrongly, I found out later) that it was more expensive than international. i had inquired into the cost of a domestic adoption with a few agencies and was told it would be around $30,000. There was no way Kurt would go for that so I chose international, which at the time, I was told cost around $20,000 (just being point-blank honest here).

And, of course, there was that nasty issue of the birthmother changing her mind. I asked two social workers about this and how likely that would occur and got two different answers. One said that it didn't happen very often and the other said that she knew of at least two cases where it did happen. I have all the respect in the world for women who choose to give their babies up for adoption and can understand why they might change their mind. But for me, being on the other side of the fence, the thought of possibly waiting years for a baby and then having to give the baby back to the birthmom because she changed her mind, scared the living daylights out of me.

But probably the biggest factor in my mind were the pictures of the waiting children that kept haunting me. Night after night I looked at those websites and scrolled through page after page of photolistings of beautiful children available for adoption. These children are the "forgotten children" and it seemed wrong to wait and wait and wait for a healthy infant in the US while there were all these kids just waiting for a family.

So, check off the 2nd big decision one makes when starting this journey to become a parent (when it doesn't happen naturally)....the first being fertility treatment vs adoption, the second being international vs domestic, and now for the next big question: what country do we adopt from????

To be continued....

Btw, Evan is doing great! The sibling fights continue but are much less dramatic. Evan's English is coming along much quicker than i thought. He's now saying "please" instead of "prazalshsta" and constantly says "watch, mom!" like all 5 yr olds do! I have to share some funny things he says too....you know how kids of this age are fascinated with certain noises that the human body makes, i.e., flatulence (try being around 2 of them who think its REALLY funny to pass gas at the dinner table.....). He now says, with perfect diction "P.U, stinky-fu!" and laughs his head off.

He's sleeping and eating well and seems to be pretty happy. We found a local woman who speaks Russian and she spoke with him one day. He told her how much happier he was with us than in the orphanage (not a surprise but good to hear!).

So, this Mother's Day I feel doubly blessed to have these beautiful children in my life.
Cindy

Wow, sorry it's taken so long to get back to this blog! It's been a CRAZY week. I have every intention of finishing my "essay" on adoption, the one I started in the previous post but my time on the computer is limited these days!

In the meantime, here's a recent picture I took of Evan. I thought it turned out well. He's doing great, btw! I'm amazed at how fast he is learning English. He's calling me now.....gotta go - more soon! Cindy

The Adoption Option
For those of you interested in adoption (or if you know someone who is), I hope that what I'm about to write will help you decide if this is the option for you. The key word here is "option" as adoption is just one way to build a family. I am not presenting it as the best way, just as one way to create a family. Having gone through it twice now, we found it worked beautifully for us, but for others who cannot bear children biologically (or who choose not to), it can be a wonderful way in which to build a family.

The other reason I want to write about adoption is to advocate for those who are left behind, aka, "waiting children". You simply cannot visit an orphanage and not want to go home and tell everyone you meet about all the beautiful children that need homes. The picture you see here is one I took at Evan's orphanage; he had about 20 kids in his "groupa" and they would swarm around us every time we visited. It was heartbreaking. At their age, they know what's going on.....they know that other kids get adopted and they hope that they will be adopted as well. Unfortunately, most of them will not and they go through their entire childhood without a single person saying "I love you" or reading them a story at night. (Btw, this isn't being sappy, it's being realistic).

When we started the adoption journey the first time, in 2001, I had a million questions. Many of these questions were answered by other adoptive parents. So I thought I'd list the most commonly asked questions and answer them based on our experience.

Keep in mind that every adoptive parent has a different experience and you can ask the same question to 10 adoptive parents and get 10 different answers. What I'm presenting here is simply our own personal experience and in some cases, our opinion on certain matters related to adoption. I hope it will be helpful to anyone who is considering adoption or just curious. So here goes....

Why did you choose adoption? When I was 38 (and childless), I knew I had to decide soon whether to start a family or not. I had never wanted children before that, having worked full-time for many years and thoroughly enjoyed my job. I was fine with not having children. I loved my independence and knew that I could contribute to society in other ways. (A note on why I chose a career over family: both my mother and my sister got married right after high school and I was determined not to do that. I was kind of a renegade and my family thought I was a bit of an oddball, esp when I went to college and continued on for a doctoral degree. They still think I'm an oddball but that's another story!).

I thought long and hard about whether to have children or not. I listed the pros and cons over and over again. I quickly realized that one could become fairly narcissistic without children and that life could be pretty empty without the pitter-patter of little feet. But after a year of effort and no baby to be seen, we faced a fork in the road: high-tech fertility treatment, adoption, or a carefree life with plenty of time and money for travel or play (believe me, the latter option was VERY tempting).

I decided to surf the web on adoption and wa-la: a bazillion websites with everything you ever wanted to know about adoption and more (I still can't imagine how people adopted before the internet was around!). But I came across one site that changed my life. It was a site with pictures of "waiting children" in Kazakhstan. I remember looking at all the pictures night after night and shaking my head, thinking "these kids are so cute, why aren't they being adopted???".

Then something else happened: I fell in love with one of the pictures. I'll never forget that picture; it was of a 3 yr old little girl named Katerina and she was standing in her nightgown clutching a teddy bear. I printed it out and put it on my refrigerator. I looked at it every day, all the while undergoing low-tech fertility treatment. Finally, I realized I couldn't go on any longer with any of the fertility stuff. Why should I force biology when there are thousands of children in this world with no home? Honestly, that's exactly what I thought.

From that day forward I knew I wanted to adopt and I've never looked back.

Why did you choose international adoption over domestic adoption? To be continued!
Cindy

We finally got the whole family together and wanted to share a picture of all of us. From left to right: Kurt, Kent, Kendall, me, Evan, and Katerina (in her sleeper!). Kent and Kendall were happy to meet their new little brother. They are Kurt's kids from his first marriage so you know he really is a glutton for punishment by starting all over again!

Btw, the family joke is that Kent's goal in life has been to be taller than his Dad. We think he made it!

A note on the scenic picture in the previous post: our apartment building is the one adjacent to the ferrous wheel - we were very close to the sea.

Re how the kids are getting along.....well, a little better but we have a ways to go. Toys or "eegruskas" are hot items in this household and nothing is too sacred to fight over. I spend most of my days picking up cheap little plastic toys and breaking up fights over cheap little plastic toys....

I am still wanting to write more about adoption for those who are interested in going down this path but haven't had time. Kurt will be writing some as well, maybe on the weekend.

I will close by saying THANK YOU to Starline Preschool - the best Preschool in town! They have been fabulous in helping Evan feel welcome AND for helping Katerina adjust to her new brother. Ms. Wiedeman, Mrs. Albrighton, Mrs. Lee, and everyone else.....you ROCK!!!!

More soon, Cindy